A Post-Inaugural Philosophical Contemplation

Image Source: Flickr
Photo by: Thomas Hawk

Last year, before the presidential election in the US, I was becoming fiercely political. I was right up there with the best of them, alienating friends and relatives on Facebook with my posts and comments about the candidates, the events at Standing Rock, and myriad other issues plaguing my country of origin.

After the election, something happened to me. I became disgusted. But it wasn’t that I was so much disgusted with the outcomes and statuses of events (I was, but that’s not so important) so much as I was simply disgusted with the impulse inside that demanded I hold an opinion of everything. I was tired too…of being on the lookout for “critical information” to share and tired of scrolling through what others evidently thought was “critical information” too. I was exhausted of judging other people’s sanity, shocked by the sudden character changes, and completely wiped out by feeling disappointed in them. I couldn’t bear one more shaming, name-calling comment, even if it wasn’t directed at me and even if it was directed at “the other side”.

With such feelings came my decision to abstain from Facebook for a while. I’ve limited my usage to business and essential research. I’ve stopped personal posting and stopped commenting on friend posts. It feels antisocial. It feels like cheating, too, somehow, because the whole point of social media is to be…well…social. But it is something I had to do.

I have to say, my peace of mind has certainly improved. Is that because my head is in the sand or because I’ve found an entirely different sand box to play in? My new sandbox is the life in front of me here and now…the only one I really belong in and the only one in which I can really exert any change.

Maybe I’ve disappointed or even shocked some people with my withdrawal and apparent lack of concern. So many of my friends have gone…what’s the right word…fanatical? Ape-shit? Zealous? I can’t go there. I don’t want to and I can’t. The future is always unknown. Fear and anxiety can eat us alive if we let them. Anger and righteousness can poison our blood. So I’m practicing equanimity. I’m practicing doubt of my own certainties. I’m practicing being the observer.

That isn’t to say I wouldn’t stand up and defend either my own rights or the rights of another if the opportunity presented itself in my sandbox. I hope I would, even if it was dangerous. But creating a situation that doesn’t exist yet because it could…that’s just kinda nuts, in my opinion. Living as if the worst has already happened is certain to make it reality.

It isn’t that I don’t approve of certain movements or ideologies, whatever value my approval might hold for someone. It’s that I’ve chosen to bless both my friends and my so-called enemies. Why not? We all want what we want. Marching, demonstrating, power plays and fighting isn’t going to suddenly change that. Is the eternal solution to the difference of opinion oppressing the other? That is no alternative at all.

I simply can no longer identify myself within the small boxes we are permitted nor base my actions and passions on those lines; the division game has no winners. I’m a woman, but I don’t identify myself as a woman. I’m white, but I don’t identify myself as white. I’m not gay, but I don’t care if someone is. I’m not Muslim, but I can respect the Muslim faith. I’m an American in France, but I don’t think of myself as American or French or anything really. I’m a human (and even that is questionable on some days), and just like every other human, I want to live a life free of fear. I don’t want to waste my time having to be outraged at the fear others create. I just want to live and be free. How can that be possible if I myself want to impose my ideals and beliefs upon others? It is a very tight rope we walk, proclaiming a desire for peace and fairness while we make fun of and humiliate those that are different from us.

I feel for ALL people who are suffering. What people often fail to see is that the s0-called enemy is suffering too. I want for there to be wisdom and peace in this world. I want humanity to rise above itself and create a beautiful world.

Postnote: I just found this awesome video with Byron Katie, and it is so topical to this post and where I’m coming from that I had to come back here and share it.

The French Health Care System Part VIII: That Was Close!

I was supposed to have had an MRI the first week of January. As I started to think about it though, it wasn’t making intuitive sense to go through with it. I realized that my specialist might not share the views of my general doctor and think it was unnecessary. I also wondered if the heart specialist I was scheduled to see several months later would also want an MRI. The thought of having to live through the procedure twice was too much for me. So, despite the effort required to make the MRI appointment, I ended up canceling it.

For the sake of the story, I’ll share the appointment-making process. I tried calling the nearest hospital, but they said they didn’t do MRI’s, so I called one of the hospitals in the larger city nearby. Somehow, I managed to communicate with the receptionist what I needed. Via email (and with several trusty online translators at my side), we coordinated paperwork. When I didn’t hear back a couple of weeks later, and with my specialist appointment looming, I emailed to enquire. Apparently, they had made me an appointment the week I’d first contacted them, but I never got the email confirmation! Good thing I checked. At any rate, my appointment was going to be the day before my specialist appointment, probably not soon enough to get the results to her. That was my first indication to rethink things.

The appointment confirmation email came with a long list of “fun” preparatory instructions. They weren’t all that difficult, but just reading them made me queasy. There was also a prescription for something to clean me out the day before, another reason to resist the joys of medical tests. I will never understand why one is told to take something chemical to do what something natural could accomplish just as easily. It’s the pharma-mentality, I guess.

Canceling turned out to be a good choice. The specialist I saw in Bordeaux didn’t feel an MRI was warranted. I’m SO glad I followed my gut feeling on that one!

At least I finally got to see Bordeaux. Since it’s an hour and a half drive, we went for the day. After parking and then asking a couple of people for directions, we had an indescribably horrible lunch (it happens) because the vegan restaurant we wanted to go to was closed for some “time off”. (How French!) I left my meat-infested salad on my plate and was told “sorry” by the waitstaff, but they weren’t sorry enough to take it off the bill. To be fair, they offered me another item off the menu, but by then, I had thoroughly lost my appetite. Fortunately, there was a fruit stand a few steps from the restaurant where I was saved by a couple of Clementine oranges and some Medjool dates.

We did manage to take in a museum and gallery before the doctor. I was thrilled to find that one of my favorite painters was on exhibit at the gallery. That was a stroke of luck that made up for lunch!